My world has lost its colour.
All i see is black and white,
and shades of grey.
I don't want the world to see me like this.
I need my haven of peace.
To friends who care:
Thank you for walking with me all this way.
To those unknown:
Please give me my haven of peace.
~^* About The Gal *^~
~^* Blog *^~
~^* Memories *^~
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~^* Tagboard *^~
~^* About Me *^~
A girl by the name of iCeZ.
Born on 17th March 1983.
Enjoys Music: Listening, Playing & Singing inclusive.
Also crazy about basketball with the Slingers but moving further and further from it.
Pain Addiction = Wakeboarding.
I'm CoLd... So DoNt ToUcH Me...
Monday, October 16, 2006 I lost my mind...
Updates first before i elaborate on the title... Thurday: damn hectic day having had to rush after school for NBL as i was down for stats again but this time round i was made head statistician instead of my usual job as media stats. Kinda funny having had to call the extra details of the game and not having the headset on so had to raise my voice to call over all the noise. Nearly ended up losing my voice but drank alot of water. Thankfully the game wasn't too quick paced but the slingers lost anyway. Oh yeah, asked Deb if she knew who was under 'Mer' and about me having hugged it last time and her reply? I don't wanna know who it is under there 'cos it's suppose to be some fat guy. Haha~. And to think that i was crazy enough to go "Mer, can i hug u?"... he must have thought i was mad. LOL! I'll skip Fiday since i was kinda non-eventful... Saturday: Spent the day at home since i didn't really feel like going out and had work to do. But i ended up doing something silly and damn paiseh! Well, thought would go chill at loof since zihui was going with her friends but ended up not joining thenm since i didn't know her friends and i couldn't find anyone else to accompany me. Well, the thing was that Zihui was going down with her friends but couldn't call through to make reservations. So she happily decided to call me to help. I ended up messaging Terry: "Hi terry. Still at waketime? You working at loof tonite? Thinking of going down with frds. How can we make reservations? Can get the number or something from you?". Terry ended up calling back as i didn't put my name. So told him who i was (Don't even know if he knows who i am...) and he asked if i was on my way down. So had to say that i'm not going over but my friends are and about 5 of them ('cos i forgot to ask zihui how many of them were there). So he said he would make a reservation under my name for them. Haha~ But zihui then told me there were about 7-8 of them. Faintz~ So messaged terry to apologise and told him there were abt 8 of them heading down at about 9+. Felt really damn paiseh asking him for the favour. But what made it worse was i found out that he might just be the owner of that place! OMG! What the toot was i thinking having called the boss on his personal number and getting him to reserve a place for my friends?! But how the heck would i have known?! ARH! Really damn bloody paiseh! Feel like finding a hole to dig and bury myself in. Haiz~ Now i really don't dare to think too much liao... Then today: Woke up to Zihui's message if i wanted to go out. Didn't mind since i really didn't feel like staying home although i have a pile of work to be done. So decided to head down to the newly opened Vivocity to take a look. Well, it was big and crowded. Period. Haha~ Okay lar~ The place looks good and has an open area which overlooks Sentosa. Kinda cool~ But quite a number of the shops were not opened yet and neither did i find anything of fancy. Then met Des and Alan for a late dinner before heading home. But well, i don't know what got over me to have lost my mind to message him- Xing. (Not that HIM) We had been avoiding each other for a month now except for the sms i sent to remind him to return the books. Decided to send him a message with the other HIM in mind. Not to show off or what but just to let him know i'm trying to move on and in hope of breaking that silence. Sent him this sms: "Hey, how have you been? Don't know if i should message but just wondering, do you find me too young? Don't worry, i'm over you already. Just curious 'cos of some other reason." Waited for a long while, thought i would not get a reply. And then it came... "It's not you. It's me.. I'm not ready." This was a reply i had not expect nor was prepared for. It struck right into my heart. Memories came flooding back and questions popped back into my head. How we used to be, things he said and if it was ever possible for us, if only i had "listened" to him and not rushed into things. Did i give him too much pressure? Was he afraid of hurting me? Everything just came back.. But i had to reply so kinda told him about the HIM. "Don't worry, it's not 'cos of you. Juz that my friends have been promoting someone to me but he's 34." And his reply? "Nt bad mah. Younger than me." Well, what kinda a reply was that? Hur~ So i said "You both old man lar. Haha~ But he's kinda like you. Anyway, i dont dare to think too highly of myself too lar.." And that ended our 'conversation'. Don't know what exactly happened but it sent me into a bolt of blue. Decided to head down for a drink despite everyone's disapproval. But actually, was thinking of testing 'fate' in a way 'cos i thought of going down to that place for a drink and to see if i was 'fated' to meet HIM. But ended up the place was closed early and He wasn't there 'cos i asked the staff would said HE didn't work on Sundays but was at punggol with HIS boat (actions inclusive). Haha~ Conclusion? Not fated bah~ Just hope HE won't know i was there. I think it has all made me lose my mind...
