My world has lost its colour.
All i see is black and white,
and shades of grey.
I don't want the world to see me like this.
I need my haven of peace.
To friends who care:
Thank you for walking with me all this way.
To those unknown:
Please give me my haven of peace.
~^* About The Gal *^~
~^* Blog *^~
~^* Memories *^~
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~^* Tagboard *^~
~^* About Me *^~
A girl by the name of iCeZ.
Born on 17th March 1983.
Enjoys Music: Listening, Playing & Singing inclusive.
Also crazy about basketball with the Slingers but moving further and further from it.
Pain Addiction = Wakeboarding.
I'm CoLd... So DoNt ToUcH Me...
Monday, August 14, 2006 Heck...
Well, here's heck to whoever may read this. This is my life, my love life, my choice, my decision, whatever and none of your business. Yesterday i somehow found an answer although it just added more questions. I had been stuck at the Singapore Indoor Stadium for the past 3 days due to the Singapore Philips Cup. Was on duty as a statistician. Typically of me, i would try to look for that familiar face in the crowd. And yesterday, i found it. But it was someone else that i saw that sent my whole world crashing. There she was.. his 'wife'. Yes, you read it right. I should just remove the inverted commas maybe. Still don't understand? I fell for a married man, who said he is divorced but technically he should only be seperated. There, i said it. he brought her down to watch the matches and they seemed to have had a good time. What am i to make of everything? Well, i just plain dumb or stupid or whatever you may call it. Who would have understood how i felt having to be professional and carry on with my duties and head statistician and try to focus on the game to make the right calls and not let my emotions affect? But i did it. I was iCeZ once again. I had to if i wanted to make it to become a head statistician in the NBL. Cold, unfeeling, emotionless. but i couldn't hold it in and decided to leave alone as i didn't want to face anyone, much less talk to them or hear anything. I walked to waterfront and i broke down. I had to let it out. But once again i'm slowly losing that ability to cry. I ended up walking home alone.
I'm okay, 'cos once again i'm iCeZ. I'm cold... so don't touch me.
Saturday, August 12, 2006 Falling into a bottomless pit...
Once again i ask, is this persistence or plain stupidity. After so much that has happened, i still continue to go on this process: Thinking of you, bothering or giving in to you, getting mad at you, pretending nothing happened and start thinking of you again. And each time i just get hurt deeper and deeper. Although nobody realises it since i have to act all chirpy, i just keep digging this hole deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit. And after getting to know more and going through everything, i end up hating myself instead of hating you. Why did i have to fall? Why must i get so worked up over you? Why must i be so tolerant or fake ignorance? Why can't i stop myself from doing all these things? Just plenty of "why"s to reprimand myself for my stupidity if that's what it is. And yet i can't drag myself out. Boon~ Did you spread yours to me?!
