My world has lost its colour.
All i see is black and white,
and shades of grey.
I don't want the world to see me like this.
I need my haven of peace.
To friends who care:
Thank you for walking with me all this way.
To those unknown:
Please give me my haven of peace.
~^* About The Gal *^~
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~^* About Me *^~
A girl by the name of iCeZ.
Born on 17th March 1983.
Enjoys Music: Listening, Playing & Singing inclusive.
Also crazy about basketball with the Slingers but moving further and further from it.
Pain Addiction = Wakeboarding.
I'm CoLd... So DoNt ToUcH Me...
Saturday, September 23, 2006 Enjoying the sun,sand and the sea~
Well, wakeboarding had become a regular part of my life now.. going out every wednesday with Iris and the rest of the girls. It pretty cool going out on the boat with a bunch of newly made friends and enjoying ourselves, enjoying the waves, the wind, the sun.. juz lazing around on the boat suntaning. It also kinda helps to take your mind off stuff which me and Iris agreed. Here's a photo from our lastest session.. missed out a few since i haven't gotten them yet. Anyway, i'm slowly learning and becoming better at it now. No more falling constantly face first. Haha~ Able to get myself standing up and being able to control my direction and withstand rollers(waves). Now learning how to conquer the wakes but need to take my knee into consideration. Sigh~ feels like i have a body of a 60 year old. And guess what~ The 4 of us, iris, amelia, jolin and myself went to Sentosa after the session, bought a beach mat each and went to suntan. Haha~ Kinda relaxing to juz lay around on the beach. Too bad the rest al to lazy to take more photos. Then had to rush for NBL as i was assigned as statistician. Thought i would be head stats and my teachers would be there. But unfortunately not and chaos ensued since i couldn't really call the shots. Then i suddenly got assigned to call for media which made me like media stats. Was kinda nervous at first since i thought what i called would appear on cable tv or something but it appeared that my partner was more of a greenhorn than i was and we weren't quite sure where the stats were gonna appear. Ended up having to teach them a little so that they could understand what i was calling. Felt kinda disappointed since i had given so much to getting myself recognised in this area to prove myself.. Well, but i did get a call today to inform me to take up the same post for the next game at the organiser's request. Don't know how much of this is true or if it's gonna be a good thing but i just hope it all works out. And well... i still think of him alot and miss him alot but i guess we both know we have to let go. I had to message him the other day as the books i loaned for him were almost due. Decided to just renew it till he can return it so i just msged to tell him so. His reply was merely a "oh sorry, will return it soon. thanx." I'm still at a lost 'cos i know the team wants him back since he can play an integral part of the team but it's a choice only he can make and i can do nothing about. I just hope for the day we can both put everything aside and start over again as friends. I miss having this friend around...
Been going wakeboarding with Iris and Dawn, together with the rest of their customers. Enjoying the new friends made, going out on the boat and the trill of the sport. Here's photos we took during my first session. Sadly not much in action 'cos too far from the boat. More will be coming every week! Amelia, Me, Ester, Dawn and Iris; Ester, Iris & Me. Me and Iris; And this is Terry, our instructor!
Remember that i was a statistician for the Philips Open? Well, didn't take any photos except for this one with 台北裕隆’S 柳升耀。 Saded, forgot to take with 粽子.
Can't get to sleep so shall post some photos instead. 1) Secret Garden: Spent a large part of my june holidays back at bendemeer primary with adelene and winnie. We were asked to help do up a outdoor science classroom where the hydrophonics is. So we went to work designing, drawing and painting. Here's our masterpiece! Me at work, Ade and Winnie at work... Welcome to our Secret Garden...
Today marked the first day of us going our seperate ways.. I had wished that it never did come but it did and now i must learn to carry on without him. I had thought that it was just a joke but somehow we both knew that it would hurt for both of us to carry on that way as friends. He was having problems which he couldn't share, and i knew i couldn't help in 'cos if i'm not mistaken, it was because of her. And he knew that it had an impact on me 'cos the next night, i was down and spent the night walking from marina to clark quay, mos where he was and smsed him when i was outside. Once again he said he was not worth my effort.. I guess that was when he decided that we should put an end to it all 'cos the next night he messaged and reminded me that we had 4 days left, that he couldn't wait for it to come and acted like a total jerk. I replied saying that if he wanted me to hate him, he has achieved it. He said it was for the better for both of us. And so yesterday we played our last match. We lost. And i'm sorry to my guys for all my nonsense which they have tolerated all the way. I know i did a bad job and said stuff which didn't sound too good. All this would not have happened if i did not break my words. I should not have fallen for one of the guys. They have to bear the consequences of losing a team-mate 'cos of my stupid actions. I'm sorry. I tried to hard not to show my emotions in front of him or the rest of the team but when he left, i couldn't keep it in any longer. I messaged him "its ironic how this was the place where i first knew about you and this is where it ends. take care. good bye." He replied, "If not for the promise i had given you, they would have got it. take care. bye." At that moment, i broke down. The promise... one that he made when he first joined us and lastly at the dinner.. that he will keep his temper down and not start a fight.. a promise he gave me. Would it have been better if the promise was not kept, 'cos i would then have a reason to hate him. 'Cos i don't know how to move on without him, without loving him, without someone to turn to cheer me up when i'm down and share my troubles with.. He will still continue to have that spot in my heart.. 'cos i know i'll never quite let go, with all the memories that we've shared being so near me.. I'll miss you.
Ok, haven't been blogging for quite a while due to alot of things so shall try to update what i can in seperate postings. Well, let me first date back and start from my last post. Well... i guess like what i said, i'm really a fool. Still went down to watch his matches. But on sunday, my world crashed as my heart skipped a beat. Went down to watch his match and saw her there again, that has already made my heart sank but the worst was yet. I was chatting with my other refs when a commotion occured on the court. When i turned around to look, there i saw him throwing a punch on the opponent. My immediate reaction was to jump up and wanted to go over to him but i froze in my steps when i saw her standing there calmly. I knew i was not in a place to go over and could only stand there and hope he would stop. He did but he just took his things and left with her. There i was left in a state of shock and confusion to clean up the mess. Although honestly i had no obligation to but i was still worried for him. Messaged him to know he was fine, talked to my referees to help so that they would not write an incident report or else he might get banned, ended up being dragged for kopi conselling session by my senior refs. Sianz. But from this incident i learnt where i stand, a nobody, as he was not concerned about how i was although he did message to let me know he was home. He wasn't appreciative of what i did nor aplogetic for what he did. Well.. let me repeat: I'm a fool. And i still am. Why? I met him for dinner today 'cos he needed me to help borrow some books from school. Ended up missing my refs' meeting and getting scholding but heck. I enjoyed myself and realised one thing: I can't give him up but it isn't a problem anymore 'cos i'm no longer hoping for much. I'm contented with how we are. Sitting there talking nonsense and being able to joke about 'us'. We joked about the incident above, he knew what i went through... we joked about how i was blind to like him, how i'm so nice to him, and about cutting all connections with him after the inter-con but him still needing me around to help him borrow books, take care of his dog, talk nonsense... Well, i think that's one reason why i like him. I feel comfortable and happy around him. And i don't see a problem anymore as we're both fine with knowing things and still friends like how we are. I will still continue to like him with him knowing till i don't know when...
