My world has lost its colour.
All i see is black and white,
and shades of grey.
I don't want the world to see me like this.
I need my haven of peace.
To friends who care:
Thank you for walking with me all this way.
To those unknown:
Please give me my haven of peace.
~^* About The Gal *^~
~^* Blog *^~
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~^* About Me *^~
A girl by the name of iCeZ.
Born on 17th March 1983.
Enjoys Music: Listening, Playing & Singing inclusive.
Also crazy about basketball with the Slingers but moving further and further from it.
Pain Addiction = Wakeboarding.
I'm CoLd... So DoNt ToUcH Me...
Friday, December 29, 2006 Insanity... Part 2
Well, i don't know if i should post about this but as usual.. Heck to who may read it. Like Neo likes to say.. this is my blog.. so i post what i want.. Well.. relationship stuff has been something i'm never good at. Never really know what i want exactly. And to be honest, i do play around a little too much. But it's when the unexpected things happen that will catch me off guard. This is case no. 3 in the 3 weeks He had been gone and me not seeing Him.. Nutz.. Story happened on Chirstmas countdown night. I mentioned about bringing Alexei and company out for countdown but no, it has nothing to do with them. Sent them back to hotel after countdown and the rest after supper. But went down with my 2 other refs to meet another group consisting of my ref chairman and some of the other dua pais for drinks. Didn't really wanna go but thought i would just sit for a while. Well, all was well, had a couple of drinks as we had to oblige and toast them. Then was time to go home. Thought i'd walk home since we were near home. JR said he'll send me home since he was gonna take a cab anyway. Well, thought he was okay, but apparently he was drunk.. Some things happened from there when he put his arms around me while walking back.. But no.. we did not do IT.. for the record. But we did hug.. and we did kiss.. So i have to admit i'm at fault as well. But to admit, i wasn't drunk, not that high neither.. for those who know i can hold my alcohol quite abit.. So what's the point behind it.. honestly, i don't know. Firstly.. what exactly happened? I mean how drunk was he.. what does he remember.. how does he feel for me.. how do I feel for him.. What goes on from here.. questions started popping up and i don't know but i felt we were both acting a little weird the next couple of days. Honestly, he ever did catch my attention before.. found him kinda cute.. but i know that things shouldn't happen between me and him.. 'cos there wasn't any mutual attraction.. well, at least not that i know of.. and that it would be pretty complicated or somewhat political. 'Cos people are forever curiously about my status which i don't deny doesn't appear too good.. and having anything with one of my refs can be a complicated issue.. what more him when we are both more prominent people around making it a little politically complicated as well.. But i did find myself troubled and needing answers. So i had to ask but i chose to msg him only during the last day of the competition so that knowing we won't meet too soon to avoid any embrassment. After some crapping from both sides, i asked how he felt about me. His answer was 'nice frdz.. but dunno lar 'cos dunno u tat well.'..then led on to asking about what exactly happened that night which i asked him what does he remember. He only remembers that he hugged me and then after all that he knew was his head was spinning. I told him we hugged and we did kiss.. he apologised. Well, i could only say that nvm, i take it as he was drunk and just not to drink so much next time.. What exactly is the point of all this? Don't know why but questions still exist in my mind.. What exactly am i thinking of? What exactly do i want?...
